Dr West answers your relationship dilemmas. Photo posed
Q: For the past year, I’ve had a kind of situationship with another person in my college. This suited me as I was happy to focus on my last year of college and he is in his second year with another two to go. Now I’ve finished college and started a job, and I’m really enjoying it. I’m meeting new people and I’m excited for where I am at in life. The issue is, my situationship person wants to become more serious, and to explore being boyfriend and girlfriend. I thought about this in the beginning when we first started hanging out, but he didn’t want to be serious as he was in his first year of college. I got over it and liked the casual nature as it suited me with the pressure of exams. Now he wants to be more serious, but I am not sure that I want that. Part of me thinks he lied about things being so casual, because he’s now said he has had feelings for a while but didn’t tell me. I don’t know what to do and I don’t know if I want a relationship with anyone right now, not just him. What do I do?
Dr West replies: Situationships can be ideal for some people, if a lot of unspoken rules are followed, despite the casual-seeming nature of the interactions. For any casual situationship, friends with benefits, lovers — whatever you want to call them — there are non-negotiables that will doom the experience.
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