The way sex is initiated can make or break a night (or day) of passion.
If you’re not on the same page, those vibes you’re putting out may be missed entirely or worse, your technique could give someone the ick.
So, what’s the best way to go about things?
More than half of Brits (51%) say physical touch is their favourite initiation technique, with gentle touches, caresses, and kisses ranked highly.
But not everyone likes to get straight down to it. Romantic gestures are favoured by 49% of Brits, proving that a candlelit dinner or bubble bath can go a long way.
Both men and women ranked these techniques highly, according to a survey of 1,500 adults by Lovehoney. But when it comes to communication, our differences start to show.
Women, it seems, love a bit of silent seduction, with 47% enjoying non-verbal cues. Meanwhile men, on the whole, prefer to be much more forthcoming, with only 33% enjoying this quiet technique.
Instead, the survey of adults across varying sexualities found guys like to be upfront about sex.
More than half (52%) of men said they liked direct communication, (compared to 36% of women), and some (33%) really want things spelled out for them with a flirty text to say sex is on the cards.
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Elisabeth Neumann, head of user research at Lovehoney, says there are ‘many theories to explain gender-based differences in sexual behavior’.
‘I think that we have to acknowledge the influences of the messages that surround us when growing up, especially in sexual and gender socialisation,’ she says.
‘Every one of us shapes our own sexual script, which is influenced by experiences, but also movies, role models, etc. Any romantic comedy you could think of displays women as craving romantic gestures, and this is reflected in our survey data.
‘While women are supposed to be passive and seduced, men are expected to act pro-active, direct, and guiding. I assume that these expectations cause men to prefer direct communication, which is an active approach, while women prefer rather passive options.’
Interestingly, the way people like sex to be initiated seems to change as we age.
Romantic gestures were the preferred way to initiate sex among 18 to 24-year-olds (66%) and 25 to 34-year-olds (57%), and non-verbal cues (58%) were favoured method for those aged 35-44.
But once participants reach their mid-forties, preferences change to be slightly more direct, with physical touch being the most popular among 45 to 54-year-olds (49%) and those over 55 (47%).
Of course, there’s no right or wrong here and while the survey results indicate average preferences across the nation, they shouldn’t be used as a blueprint for getting some action.
The best way to initiate sex is to figure out what turns you and your partner on – not worry about anybody else.
How to give your dead bedroom the kiss of life
Tired of being in a sexless relationship? Psychotherapist Lucy Beresford says it’s time to have an honest conversation.
‘The right amount of sex is different for every couple, so start by having conversations about the current situation to find out how your partner feels and to state your own needs gently,’ she told Metro.
‘Make sure you have these conversations when you both have time to give each other space to state your needs and listen to each other, and keep the focus positive and with no judgement or blame.’
If you’re on the same page, take small steps to reignite passion.
‘Examples include making a promise to always kiss before one of you leaves the house or gets back home, or take an evening to just focus on gazing at each other, or stroke each other, to take the pressure of feeling like you have to have full-on penetrative sex,’ said Lucy.
‘Skin-on-skin contact, whether it’s kissing, hand-holding, a massage, or stroking, has a hugely beneficial effect on strengthening the bond of affection.’
This article was originally published in December 2023.
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