I offered him oral – I can’t get my head round his response

‘Yeah, so I’m not really into blowjobs.’

I was kneeling in front of my boyfriend, ready to give him the best oral sex of his life, when he uttered this phrase.

Seconds passed by as I tried to get to grips with this concept. A man, who doesn’t like head?

‘Like… at all?,’ I hesitantly asked, to which Alex replied, ‘Nope, I’ve never liked staring at someone’s head bobbing up and down’.

This was around two years ago, the first time I’d offered my boyfriend oral sex and I was stunned at his reaction.

Not to brag, but I’ve always been great at giving head.

And this was the first time in the 20 years or so that I’ve been having sex that a man had ever declined.

And I wasn’t quite sure how to deal with it. But I soon realised that despite my long past priding myself on giving blowjobs, my present doesn’t really involve them, and that’s ok. 

At the start of my sexual journey, several lovers told me that they didn’t enjoy receiving hand jobs, because they could get themselves off better and faster than any sexual partner could.

That suited me just fine – I wasn’t particularly good at it and usually just worried about pulling their foreskin too hard.

Which I did once, but that’s another (rather painful) story.

Nevertheless, I wanted to be good at something else, sexually speaking, and so I decided to perfect the art of oral sex.

And the more I noticed my partners enjoying my skills, the more delighted I was.

I’d like to be humble about it but I’ve received enough positive feedback from enough men to know that I must be doing something right.

In fact, more than one former lover has contacted me after several years of radio silence, to ask me to give them head ‘just one more time’.

And they say romance is dead. 

Another ex told me that I should take a bow for having given him the ‘greatest blowjob’ he’d ever received.

As the years went on, I added a special suction and hand twist thing, which apparently elevated my lovers’ experiences even further.

I’ve had plenty of memorable experiences but one particular memory stands out.

Dale* and I had been dating for a few weeks, when we finally decided to take things into the bedroom.

His previous experiences with oral sex had been pretty bad, so he didn’t exactly have high hopes. 

He also didn’t think he would ever climax from it. Well, challenge accepted, and challenge met. Dale finished from head within minutes. 

I was absolutely delighted. Forgive me if I sound like I’m bragging but I look back at this moment with a silly bit of pride.

But for all the great blowjobs I’ve given, I’ve also had some disastrous (and hilarious) experiences.

Like the time I threw up on my partner’s penis (without him noticing) or decided it would be a great idea to gently pull my teeth up and down my lover’s dick. 

He freaked out almost immediately.

So, for any novices out there, here’s a quick list of tips.

For one, avoid anything good related. 

Whipped cream, chocolate sauce and flavoured lube sound fun in theory – but are usually just pretty messy. The former also taste better on ice cream than they do on a dick.

Once you’ve got the basics down, incorporate your hands more and ask your lover if they like a little ball action (but always do this before you reach for, or move your tongue towards, their sack). 

Finally, gentlemen, this one’s for you: please remember good hygiene and never push a person’s head down on your penis without asking if they want you to do so. It’s just rude.

And so, given my long-standing passion for fellatio, you might be surprised to learn that I rarely offer it these days.

I’m in a long-term relationship and I’ve only given Alex head a dozen times or so.