My boyfriend is 48 years older than me — people think I’m his caregiver

It wasn’t love at first sight for 28-year-old Kelsey Hopeful when she met her boyfriend at a yoga class.

He was a widower who has just lost his wife of 42 years, and he also happened to be 48 years older than her.

Now 76, Guy BonGiovanni, an actor and photographer, from Alaska, had been attending around three yoga classes a day to try and find piece after losing the love of his life.

But the pair slowly fell in love over the course of two years, and they now live together.

It was by chance that Kelsey, who was 20 at the time, and Guy who was 68, crossed paths, after the younger special needs teacher decided to try something new and booked into the same class as him at her local gym.

‘I made eye contact with [guy]… he picked up his mat and moved it right next to me,’ Kelsey said. ‘I thought “uh oh”.’

They didn’t speak but once the class finished, Guy asked Kelsey if she would be a friend to him.

‘I was taken aback because it was a simple question, one that I’ve seen children ask other children,’ she added. ‘But we talked alone in that gym for two hours and when he said his goodbyes, he just walked away.

‘There were no phone numbers asked for, nor last names, no guarantees that we would ever see each other again. It wasn’t love at first sight but more of a recognition of each other.’

They then crossed paths again and Kelsey found herself attracted to Guy’s voice and ability to tell a story, Guy was drawn to Kelsey’s kindness and manners.

That’s how their love story began and, two years later, they decided to become official.

It wasn’t all rainbows and sunshine though. In fact, Kelsey struggled with being at a different stage in her life to her partner.

‘In the earliest steps of our relationship, I would cry alone about our forty-eight-year age gap,’ she said. ‘We had beautiful times together watching plays, going for hikes, or finding pastry shops, but tears would come.’

There’s one specific memory for the teacher that sticks out. ‘I can remember we were eating pastries in Santa Monica and I began to cry in front of him,’ she added.

‘Not because I’d just tasted the best rum-ball in my life, but because I was experiencing joy on another level, and then suddenly I remembered that he’s forty-eight years older than me and he has fewer summers ahead of him than I do.’

For the first year of their relationship, Kelsey didn’t tell anyone that she’d met Guy – concerned that her friends and family would respond negatively at the news that she was seeing a man almost half a century her senior.

‘When we first met, I was a person who was concerned about the opinions of others and was a people-pleaser,’ Kelsey explained. ‘But Guy became mygreatest motivator to learn how to live more true to my heart and not be afraid to be who you are.

‘I knew I’d have to learn how not to be concerned about society’s rules and what others may think about me, or why they think I am in a relationship with an older man.’

So, in the spring of 2020, she decided to tell her family, one at a time, about their relationship.

The hardest person to tell was her grandma, 76, since she’d married a man 18 years older than her, and has had to cope with the loss of the love of her life in the 26 years since his death.

‘She would confide with me in my teens that at times, she wished she could have found a companion to spend more time with her,’ Kelsey said.

‘I think I felt I would be just like her, with only one love in my life.’

To her relief, the news was well-received and now she and Guy share ‘beautiful times’ together. They watch plays, go for hikes and explore new cities and states together.

Even though these moments can be tinged with sadness for Kelsey she loves her partner deeply.

‘I tell him when I’m scared of losing him, because one day there’s going to be a time in my life that he won’t be with me anymore, and I want him to know now that I was always open and real with him, and that he feels my appreciation and love,’ she added.

‘I pray for that each day.’

But Guy takes a slightly different approach. ‘Being old and wise, he tells me there’s no point in crying about death until it happens, and that we need to be here now and love each other as much as we can.’

Kelsey isn’t even phased about strangers who think she’s Guy’s caregiver anymore.

She explained: ‘When the friendship blossomed into us becoming lovers, it was important to me that we kept the opinions of others away from my ears, especially in the beginning.

‘But now, when we explain we are a couple, we don’t receive snarky comments or facial expressions of horror. We’re better together and I think people feel that when they meet us and see how happy we are.’

For Kelsey, one of the best things about being in an age gap relationship is learning to value the time the couple spend together.

Now, any previous fears she had of growing old have all but dissipated since meeting Guy. The couple are inseparable and are even considering getting married.

‘It makes me think “what’s my time worth on earth today”,’ Kelsey said. ‘Guy has an ocean’s worth of life experiences, but he shares his wisdom with spontaneity and care.

‘He’s the most important person in my life and the best example of how to age healthy and be happy at any stage in one’s life.

‘I’m no longer afraid to grow into an old woman anymore.’

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