‘If you don’t have a child, invent one for work.’
This was the ‘ultimate workplace hack’ suggested by podcast host Meshel Laurie on the Can We Be Real podcast.
Meshel, a mum to 15-year-old twins, revealed: ‘I had a friend with an imaginary child, his name was Jamie. There was a real Jamie, but he was a Yorkshire terrier.
‘We worked together and she would talk about, “oh God, that was the school, Jamie’s in sick bay, I’ve got to go”. It took a long time for her to confide in me… I’ve never laughed so hard in my life.’
A clip of her comments, posted to TikTok, has since hit more than 1.2 million views, with many saying it’s a ‘brilliant’ idea.
Childfree commenters were quick to add how frustrating they find it when their colleagues leave work due to issues relating to their kids.
‘I am so sick of my colleagues using their children as an excuse to get off work all the time,’ wrote commenter Kirsten. And Griff said: ‘The rest of us are left picking up the slack for their life choices. Not really fair.’
But parents clapped back. ‘Those pesky kids, needing care from their parents,’ wrote one sarcastic commenter.’ And another added: ‘You’ll find most would rather be at work then home with sick kids. It’s not a day off.’
It’s not the golden ticket you think it is…
While we might also be secretly sniggering, this isn’t the ‘hack’ it might first appear to be.
HR expert Ruth Cornish tells Metro that pretending you’ve got children really won’t benefit you that much.
‘Having a child doesn’t give you the right to leave work whenever you want to, and if you do need to leave work early, or you have unpredictable leave, that would typically be unpaid,’ she explains.
However, your child suddenly becoming unwell would usually fall under emergency leave, which most companies will still pay you for.
Ruth, founder of HR consultancy Amelore, warns that if you decide to invent a child, you’re risking being snitched on by annoyed colleagues, the repercussions of which would be pretty dire.
‘Anyone found out would be put through a process and investigation. Most likely they’d be found to have committed gross misconduct,’ she adds.
This would put you in the same category as employees who have committed theft, physical violence, gross negligence or serious subordination.
You’d likely lose your job (effective immediately), a civil case could be brought against you, and it’ll obviously affect your references for future jobs too.
A disservice to parents…
Even if you don’t get found out, the assumption that parents get unlimited time off to go and look after their kids, is one Working Families CEO Jane van Zyl says is nonsense.
‘Time off to manage childcare is certainly not a break, it’s a necessity, and one which is not taken lightly by parents,’ she tells Metro.
‘Rather than childcare being used as an excuse to leave work, calls to our helpline show parents are not able to take time off, are treated negatively or are even fired for taking time off – even when there are emergencies or unforeseen caring needs of their children.’
Jane adds that if this time is granted, it’s often unpaid. ‘It’s unaffordable for most families and can easily tip them into financial difficulties,’ she says.
Yes, you may see parents demanding more flexible work schedules, whichirritated some childfree workers the comments, who said their needs ‘always came last’, Jane says this flexibility is a necessity for parents. ‘It’s to manage, not only huge childcare costs, but also child care shortages,’ she says.
What other lies do employees tell?
The most popular lie according to Ruth is ill or dead relatives. ‘I’ve had people claim compassionate leave because their relatives keep on dying,’ Ruth says.
‘I’ve also had a few people claim to be having cancer treatment and when they got found out they were instantly dismissed – it makes me feel sick when there are genuinely people suffering like that.’
But others in the comments encouraged the use of these excuses, writing: ‘Start every job with four living grandparents.’
‘I saw a video once where a guy said every time he gets a new job his grandparents are resurrected,’ added @MandaMilo.
Some warned that companies may ask for the obituaries in order to approve the compassionate leave, so think twice before crying wolf.
One TikToker Paige Lawrence even said: ‘We had someone in our business fake two pregnancies. When she was found out it was a whole legal case, charges and fines.’
Moral of the story…
While it may feel convenient to tell a few tales to allow yourself to leave work for the odd appointment or extra hour to yourself – think again.
It could ruin your entire career, and even incur financial penalties or legal punishment.
Do you have a story to share?
Get in touch by emailing [email protected].
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